Sincerely Q: THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN

“I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, for these are merely my perceptions about life and they are opened to debate and criticisms -please feel free to anytime. However I do believe I know better than I knew yesterday and many years before. The sincere purpose is to be able to bless someone out there for knowledge is tyrannical unless it is shared. Enjoy!


So I’ve been going round and round in circles trying to find a way to coherently put my thoughts into writing without sounding gibberish and silly and I think I have eventually found a break through. But first, let me apologize in advance in case you find this note offensive or demeaning. I just think that there are some things that need to be addressed and perhaps corrected, otherwise how else can we grow?
When we talk about the Independent woman, we talk about a woman who can literally provide for herself. She can totally take care of herself, not just herself, everyone around her, which makes it so beautiful, doesn’t it? I mean, she is a hard worker, ambitious and an absolute aspirant to greatness. In fact these days, you can rarely find a guy who doesn’t want to have a relationship with an independent woman after all they wouldn’t get to spend a dime on her. “Hell, she can even be the one paying the bills”-the lazy ones would say. As a matter of fact, these days, when a dude walks up to me and lists independence as one of the qualities he wants in a woman, I do a double check on him- a thorough CIA investigation to be sure that he isn’t planning to take me for a ride and my independence for foolishness. Believe me, it’s very important because even though you take me out on a date and I have a couple of bucks in my purse enough to pay for our meals…Dude, you still have to take the bill.

These days our pastors teach we ladies how much it is to be independent and I totally applaud it. I mean, definitely, you cannot always rely on your man. Personally I don’t think it’s even wise to rely on him at all but that doesn’t mean in any way that you wouldn’t let him do things for you. I’ve heard and seen cases where a man takes a girl out on a date and wants to pay the bill and she wouldn’t have it insisting on paying her own meal herself and even gets rude about it.
“Girl, if you are so buoyant-and by the way I say the word ‘buoyant’ in the most sarcastic way possible-why don’t you pay for his as well? What’s with the front?”
I personally think it’s foolish and stupid. In as much as you are independent, you really don’t have to flaunt that you are which precisely is the point of this note.
Being independent I have come to realize, is a privilege but we African women seemed to pride ourselves so much in it that we lose the bigger picture. It’s probably one of the many reasons we find a lot of unmarried ladies (F.Y.I, that totally includes me…I don’t even mind being the only one in this bracket but then I’m so included..lolx) out there who become so desperate for marriage that they end up in the wrong hands.
I have noticed that the sermons we hear today surrounds “How not to rely always on your man”, that is independence, “How not to aspire to marriage but to self-achievements” which is beautiful, “how to win the heart of a man”, how to do and be this and that…but no one or rather, only a selected few actually speak on submissiveness.

 Now let’s get to the juicy part. I know for a fact how intoxicating it gets when one is able to fund themselves, hell, I’m a perfect example- I stay on my own- been so for a very long time-I pay my bills and that of my family’s. I may not drive a car yet but I don’t run off to daddy or mummy for T-fare or pocket money. There is this power… this pride which is the total downside of being independent. I am literally the boss of my own. It becomes so intoxicating that it shifts to your decision making. You don’t bother to take advices. You make your own choices, after all nobody tells or can tell you want to do. So imagine someone coming from nowhere wanting to make decisions with you and for you and then, there is a struggle.

Have you ever wondered why a man would leave a well-educated, financially buoyant and career-driven woman for a village girl?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Few months ago, a question was asked on my favorite radio station, Coolfm Abuja, why Nigerian men get intimated about asking a rich girl out and there were so many male answers of course ranging from…
“It’s not like we are intimidated, it’s just that eh they always feel pompous”
“Menh I go ask o…sugar-mommy no ni”
“Rich girls always have attitude problem. They have drama”
“Well you see, why would I want to date a girl that I cannot match her budget with mine? You want make she come dey look down on me?”
And of course the ladies asking the questions in the studio were like “What?! Is it now a crime to be rich and successful as a woman?”
I’m sorry to say this but it is o, especially here in Nigeria. Let’s be honest with ourselves here. This na Ninja! We live in a traditional society where when a woman is overly independent, it becomes a problem for a typical Nigerian man; why, you may ask, because she is categorized as being rude, arrogant and pompous which half of the time is true. You’ll find husbands asking their wives to quit their jobs because their wives’ incomes are greater than theirs. You will even find husbands insisting their wives sit at home and take care of the children despite the economic recession, when these women can conveniently use their certificates that are apparently gathering dust to make a fortune.
I’m not saying these things should be encouraged or not. I am actually a firm believer of the Independent concept- being able to support one’s self financially. I’ve seen and heard cases of women who were able to revive their husbands’ financial wells by the little or more that they earned but these women were the humble ones, the submissive ones. The ones who recognized that despite their intelligence, good fortune and independent personalities, when it came down to marriage, their husbands were the heads in their homes.
I personally think submissiveness should be encouraged as much as independence is encouraged because it’s really what we are that will bring into the lives of others. However, let me quickly chip in that, submissiveness on its own is a virtue that varies individually and how you choose to apply it to your relationships and marriages is entirely up to you. But for tips, ask God…..


Written by Iwediokpulu Quincy;
©kycee’stales.com: Sincerely Q

Sincerely Q:Going and Coming, Abi?”

“I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, for these are merely my perceptions about life and they are opened to debate and criticisms -please feel free to anytime. However I do believe I know better than I knew yesterday and many years before. The sincere purpose is to be able to bless someone out there for knowledge is tyrannical unless it is shared. Enjoy!”

So I was just getting into my apartment when I heard my phone ring. I have this ridiculously big black handbag that is so humongous that even a human head can get lost inside of it. Why we women carry such things is what I myself cannot understand. Come and see the way I was savagely searching for my phone inside the bag eh….I literally had to take out almost all the content inside it to finally pull out the phone but by then I had missed the call like twice. Anyway, when it rang again, I picked the call almost immediately, ignoring the fact that I didn’t recognize the number on the caller id.
“Hello?” I called into the phone, panting like I had just ran a hundred meters race.
“Q baby!” was the response I got and the voice sounded familiar.
“Ehemm..i’m sorry who is this please?’ I asked pulling my protector frame to its hinge and searching around for the padlock I was just holding like five seconds ago.
“So by now you don’t know my voice, abi?” The voice asked sounding offended. In my mind, I was like Eeeeeeeeeee…must I recognize everybody’s voice? But I didn’t say anything. I just held the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” the voice called again.
“Eh I’m here” I answered spotting the padlock among the contents from my bag on the floor.

“So how are you?” the voice asked and a scowl embraced my face because I couldn’t understand the question…shey our parents say make we no talk to strangers ba?
“Please oga…I don’t know who I’m speaking with o.. Biko na, tell me” I pleaded, picking up the padlock.
“It’s Stanley” the voice answered and I could hear the grin in it. I think he was expecting that his name would ring BANGAN! in my head but ehemm…
“Ehen… Please which Stanley?” I asked confused… I knew so many Stanleys. More than I can count sef. Even though the voice sounded very familiar, I didn’t think I could place it among the Stanleys I could remember at the moment. I started to hate this my long-term memory problem but what I got next was a long mchewwwwwwwwww!.
 “ Haba Q, what is your problem, you don’t know Stanley again? First you couldn’t recognize my sweet voice…How many men do you know have my kind of voice? How many Stanleys do you even know sef that you cannot even remember me?”
Ha! My mind went but i then remembered that January this year God and I made a pact, that I’m going to work on my impatience...so wooh I must be patient with this oga o, i reasoned as I ignored my scattered items on the floor and sat on my chair in my room to pay rapt attention to the call.
“Ehemm,..i know a lot of Stanleys oga and because they are men too…they have deep husky voices like yours which is probably why I cannot differentiate yours from theirs” I explained as gently as I could.
“Nice try!” he answered sarcastically “you don’t have to play smart with me. It’s me… Stanley this this”
And I went “oooooohhhhhhhhh! Stanley...long time o” as my brain finally recalled who he was. He was a very old friend way back in my first year in school. As a matter of fact, He was asking me out back then and every time I decided to give his proposal some thought...Stanley would disappear and then reappear as if he never left before. I couldn’t understand it then and I still couldn’t understand it now.
“Now you remember me abi? So how are you? I’ve been seeing your beautiful pictures on facebook o...looking all sexy and interesting” He flattered.
“Oh…thanks” I blushed getting up to rearrange my things.
“So…When am I going to see you na? I came to Abuja to see you o” he announced.
“Ehen? Because?” I asked picking up my bag and setting it on my table and wondering if I ever made a Facebook status update that I was ill or something…
“Because I want to see you na. Let’s pick up where we left off na” he continued and in my mind, I’m like “Eh?!”
Okay, let’s pause there for a bit.

It is no news that in this journey we call life, we meet all sorts of people. In short, I’m sure if we were given a full-scalp sheet to write out the names of people we’ve met, associated with or even spoken to in all our life time, it would require more than one full scalp sheet. But then there are certain people who for some reason or the other walk out of our lives... be it acquaintances, friends, exes and so on and never return. There are however some, who just enjoy the dubiety of coming and going and those are the kind of people I seriously have a problem with. You may wonder; what are the parameters for calculating this ‘coming and going’ sef? I mean, there are people on your list that you barely even chat with; all you know is that, they are just there. They see your statues, your comments, your picture updates, and your broadcast messages on social medias but never chat with you or call or text or comment or poke or ping or do Whatsapp with you…but at least you know they are there. So my own parameters for estimating the coming and going is when these people don’t call or text or send messages, or tweet or ping or comment for a year. To me…they are not just there at all, as a matter of fact, they’ve become total strangers to me. So even though they are on my friend list for a decade and had chatted with me several years ago and haven’t said a word to me since then, in whatever way humanly possible…wooh I really don’t know you again o!
So Mr. Stanley fell in that unfortunate category. We hadn’t spoken in years. And the last time we did speak, he wanted me to be the love of his life. He went through most of the wooing procedures and stages: calling, texting, walk in the park, first kiss attempt and I genuinely started to fall for him. Alright, say I agreed to date him then, was this how the relationship would have been? On and off?
Anyway, I sat and listened to him explain how he was truly in love with me and could not handle the fact that I was not loving him back. So he had to move on na…
“Toh! Shey you have moved on now na?” I asked getting up from the chair that I’ve been sitting for over thirty minutes.
“Yea I did but Q, I couldn’t find any woman like you jawe” He continued.
I rolled my eyes for the fifth time.
“What are you doing…come and see me na” He continued.
“Aww sorry love, I’ve got lots of stuffs to do” I answered now standing over my sewing machine and looking down at the fabric I was supposed to be working on.
“Leave those things jor. Forget them for now…meet me at that hotel behind the NNPC filling station in this and that street” He continued oblivious to the ‘show?’ on my face.
And in my mind, I was thinking hmm?…so na so eh?
It’s funny how when these people manage to find their way back to your life, they expect that you probably haven’t moved on yourself, hell that you had kept your life on hold for them; you have absolutely nothing else to do. If you had been leaving out thirty minutes of your time with them before, you probably should have let that time of your life blank, in wait for them. Like probably in their minds, they had said “Eh let me go and check out what sup with the other ladies/guys jawe, I go come back if nothing click”
These are the kind of people my friend calls ‘Gbomo’ Correct Time wasters!” They no dey add nutrient for person body”

I honestly do not know what goes on in the lives of people but I do know however that nobody is anybody’s passing time. If you truly love someone and truly care for that person, no matter what circumstances you find yourself, you owe it just this bit, tikele-as Birnin people would say- to be in that person’s life. If not as a lover but as a friend because you can never tell how life would play out, for no one knows tomorrow…
Ciao!

Written by Quincy Iwediokpulu

MFMC: Glowing Beauty

Beauty they say is in the eyes of the beholder and you are the first beholder before anyone else. You must learn to appreciate and care for yourself. A perfect glowing beauty is the combination of bright eyes, clean white teeth and a glowing skin. 
Here's my week's favourite makeover collection. I like it, I hope you do too.